Thursday, December 04, 2008
my life story
i have always had this impression that the older one gets, the more difficult it is to make good friends.
people are more guarded, less trusting, more jaded, less spontaneous, more suspicious, more cynical. they have been hurt before and are less willing to believe that sometimes people are really what they seem.
this doesn't seem to hold true for me.
i remember as i was growing up, way back in primary school, i was somewhat of a loner. recess times saw me spending time alone by myself. i didn't even join anyone at the tables to eat. poor me would always stand aside by the railing, munching away on a sandwich or bun, looking down at my school field and running track. on hindsight, i realise i must seem like one of those emo kids we see so often nowadays, minus the eyeliner and moody self-shots. it's a wonder i didn't grow up into a dysfunctional teenager/psychopath killer. i didn't keep in touch with anybody from my primary school days, most probably because no 'real' friendships were forged. primary school was a torture.
by the time i reached secondary school, i still hadn't shaken off the big spectacles and geeky look. however, i was lucky enough to make the acquaintance of a few people, who later on became my very good friends. i didn't really belong to any particular group/class of people. my class had very distinct categories - the intellectuals, the 'cool' people, the brainy + cool people, the outcasts. anyway, i plodded along and managed to survive secondary school.
jc was the most liberating period of my life. firstly, i went to a school that was far away from my home. having spent 10 years in the same school previously became a bit of a bore. secondly, i had a fantastic bunch of people as my classmates during the first 3 months of my jc education. i still keep in touch with the same bunch of people till now, more than 10 years after we've graduated. those days were also the first time i went overseas with my friends. i miss my jc days the most.
nus days passed quickly, even though i spent four years there doing my degree + honours. i don't remember mugging for exams, since i am not much of a mugger. the library had a way of making me sleepy after a few minutes of reading my notes. even though i was from FASS, i was not a typical girl from that faculty. many of them made an effort to look nice, wearing nice clothes, makeup etc. i went to school in berms and sports sandals, and never skipped a single lecture or tutorial. lol. frankly speaking, i don't remember much of my days there. i just drifted along, and four years later, graduated, albeit not with fantastic results.
the next couple of years of my life were spent doing what i do best - bumming around. did things that i never thought i would do, made my mum cry a lot. it was like i was a rebellious teenager, although by then i wasn't exactly a teenager anymore. i went out with people i met online, made friends that i never thought i would ever make, went drinking, stayed out really late. mum was so worried that my uncle noticed it, and tried to talk to me. that was quite a down period in my life. i had turned my back on God then, didn't believe in Him and couldn't understand a lot of things. i can't believe i am writing all this now. brings back so many memories.
of course i did not tell my uncle what was happening. and most of my friends did not know either. it was a tough period, not just for me, but for my mum especially. and at that point in time, i did not care who i hurt. i am such a terrible person. i realised i was capable of being cruel, and that there was a side of me i never realised could exist. it still exists now, although if people know it, they might judge me and stay away. my deep, dark secret.
by 2004, i had woken up sufficiently to start taking my life seriously. was finally gainfully employed. but the end of 2004 saw me taking another plunge. oh well.
anyway, over the next three years, i was relocated to various zoos, for various reasons. went through many ups and downs, but through it all, i was very thankful for the many friends i have made among the different zookeepers. it is afterall not true that growing old makes it more difficult to make friends. my latest bunch of newfound friends are as fun-loving as any other. perhaps it is because we have a shared history (one month spent together surely makes a difference). i cherish each and every one of you and i really hope that come next year, our friendship will still be as strong, if not stronger; that gatherings will not become a thing of the past; that everyone makes an effort to remember each other.
ah, now you know more about me.
people are more guarded, less trusting, more jaded, less spontaneous, more suspicious, more cynical. they have been hurt before and are less willing to believe that sometimes people are really what they seem.
this doesn't seem to hold true for me.
i remember as i was growing up, way back in primary school, i was somewhat of a loner. recess times saw me spending time alone by myself. i didn't even join anyone at the tables to eat. poor me would always stand aside by the railing, munching away on a sandwich or bun, looking down at my school field and running track. on hindsight, i realise i must seem like one of those emo kids we see so often nowadays, minus the eyeliner and moody self-shots. it's a wonder i didn't grow up into a dysfunctional teenager/psychopath killer. i didn't keep in touch with anybody from my primary school days, most probably because no 'real' friendships were forged. primary school was a torture.
by the time i reached secondary school, i still hadn't shaken off the big spectacles and geeky look. however, i was lucky enough to make the acquaintance of a few people, who later on became my very good friends. i didn't really belong to any particular group/class of people. my class had very distinct categories - the intellectuals, the 'cool' people, the brainy + cool people, the outcasts. anyway, i plodded along and managed to survive secondary school.
jc was the most liberating period of my life. firstly, i went to a school that was far away from my home. having spent 10 years in the same school previously became a bit of a bore. secondly, i had a fantastic bunch of people as my classmates during the first 3 months of my jc education. i still keep in touch with the same bunch of people till now, more than 10 years after we've graduated. those days were also the first time i went overseas with my friends. i miss my jc days the most.
nus days passed quickly, even though i spent four years there doing my degree + honours. i don't remember mugging for exams, since i am not much of a mugger. the library had a way of making me sleepy after a few minutes of reading my notes. even though i was from FASS, i was not a typical girl from that faculty. many of them made an effort to look nice, wearing nice clothes, makeup etc. i went to school in berms and sports sandals, and never skipped a single lecture or tutorial. lol. frankly speaking, i don't remember much of my days there. i just drifted along, and four years later, graduated, albeit not with fantastic results.
the next couple of years of my life were spent doing what i do best - bumming around. did things that i never thought i would do, made my mum cry a lot. it was like i was a rebellious teenager, although by then i wasn't exactly a teenager anymore. i went out with people i met online, made friends that i never thought i would ever make, went drinking, stayed out really late. mum was so worried that my uncle noticed it, and tried to talk to me. that was quite a down period in my life. i had turned my back on God then, didn't believe in Him and couldn't understand a lot of things. i can't believe i am writing all this now. brings back so many memories.
of course i did not tell my uncle what was happening. and most of my friends did not know either. it was a tough period, not just for me, but for my mum especially. and at that point in time, i did not care who i hurt. i am such a terrible person. i realised i was capable of being cruel, and that there was a side of me i never realised could exist. it still exists now, although if people know it, they might judge me and stay away. my deep, dark secret.
by 2004, i had woken up sufficiently to start taking my life seriously. was finally gainfully employed. but the end of 2004 saw me taking another plunge. oh well.
anyway, over the next three years, i was relocated to various zoos, for various reasons. went through many ups and downs, but through it all, i was very thankful for the many friends i have made among the different zookeepers. it is afterall not true that growing old makes it more difficult to make friends. my latest bunch of newfound friends are as fun-loving as any other. perhaps it is because we have a shared history (one month spent together surely makes a difference). i cherish each and every one of you and i really hope that come next year, our friendship will still be as strong, if not stronger; that gatherings will not become a thing of the past; that everyone makes an effort to remember each other.
ah, now you know more about me.
Labels: friends, life, ramblings
