THE big THREE-O & a few

supposed to meet up with a friend yesterday evening. thought we had at least half an hour before she had to rush off to meet another friend. but it turned out that i only got there for 15mins before she had to leave.
sometime ago, i teased her that it was very hard to meet up with her, and that i would have to book an appointment with her secretary at least two months in advance if i wanted to have an audience with her.
sigh. it's so hard to meet up with you ah, girl.

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the kids watched this show yesterday in various locations. when the show came on, most of them cheered when they realised what show they were watching. a few minutes into the show, the dvd had some problem and the images became jerky. the whole auditorium started booing. fortunately there was a backup vcd (mine!) and the problem was rectified immediately.
the show never fails to make me feel sad when people die unnecessarily and never fails to awe me when the tornados form over the los angeles area.
nature is so powerful.

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where did all the time go? so fast and it's already sunday. brought work home to do, but didn't end up touching it at all. guess i'll just have to do everything in school...
nothing much happening in my life right now. just hope to be able to do my job properly and get past each day with no major hiccups. next week is still relatively relaxed, except for ccas getting into full swing. next month, real work shall commence.
wish me luck.

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had my first tutorial today. was so nervous before the lesson that i didn't have the mood to eat lunch for fear that i would puke in class. haha. after preparing OHTs, i discovered, to my horror, when i went into the classroom, that there wasn't an OHP in sight! for the first few minutes of the lesson, i had to try to say something intelligent while two students went to look for an OHP.
overall, i think the lesson went pretty ok considering that i was so worried about it. tomorrow the kids will be doing in-class work so there should be no problem, and having gone through the material today with one class, i would be able to replicate the same delivery with my two other classes.
and friday is a holiday! long weekend....

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tutorials for my subject start this week. although it is only a temporary timetable, students are already expected to submit their first piece of written assignment by the end of this week. my cca will also start today, and because students end their last lesson at different times, cca will span from 3pm to 7pm... which means i have to stay till 7pm, and my poor captain also has to stay for four hours to train the year ones...
it's going to be a long day...

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two weeks of relative ease at work. despite having to prepare for something that will only happen at the end of the year so early on, these two weeks haven't been exceptionally busy. however, it is assured that things will become crazy once the real work starts and get worse as the months pass.
hmm.
convocation tomorrow. is it supposed to be exciting? it'll be good to be able to see friends whom i've not seen for sometime. but will everyone be happy to see everyone else?
hmm.

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time passes so quickly everyday that at times, i find it hard to recall what has been done. i do not particularly feel that i have spent my days in a productive manner, but things still get done, so that means somehow, i must be doing some things right.
it is raining less and becoming more sunny more often. in other parts of the world, the cold winter makes people want to stay in and be cosy and warm rather than go out and face the roaring winds and low temperatures. but the snow! if it were me, the snow would be enough to lure me away from the comforts of home. :)

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many discussions and meetings regarding something i have to do. initially was overwhelmed by the magnitude and the assumed expectations. but turned out that all colleagues involved or otherwise have been very helpful. i love my colleagues!
incidentally, tomorrow we have to continue meeting again to finalise the work. then do not have to worry about this issue again until half a year later. hmm.
many training sessions and workshops to attend. can't remember each one, what it's for, when it is...
cca will start next week. trying to figure out how to accommodate a staggering number of students to two squash courts... hmm.
managed to meet up with a friend yesterday. was it only yesterday? it seemed like such a long time ago... glad to see her but she looked so tired. and it's only less than two weeks into the new year. how to survive leh? don't burn out ah, girl. must take care of yourself har.
still in office. i should leave this place soon. shouldn't spend so much time here. bad habit of mine... must bring much junk food! then won't starve even when i have to stay late.... greedy me!

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cca recruitment was so successful. but that means more work for me because there is not enough location for all members to train on the same day. so instead of the usual two days, i will probably have to be down for three days of cca... but things should improve after sometime.
have already arranged with colleague to play tennis on monday. that would hopefully get me started on my exercise routine .
getting abit worried about what i have to do. supposed to have something due on monday. the other teachers who are doing the same thing have already come up with materials. i have no idea where to find mine. must read widely....
jiayou!

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sometimes i feel despaired by all that is happening. but there are certain things and people who appear in our lives which lift us up.

very pleased with the captain of my girls' squash team. so much initiative where organising activities are concerned that i do not have to worry much about them. cca recruitment exercise will be an interesting and fun affair. looking forward to my time with the kids and hope to be able to pick up some skills from them since i have not played the sport before. heard that most of them are recreational players. wonder if i should engage an external coach for them and lead them on to participate in tournaments and stuff. hmm...

thinking of bringing my tennis racquet to school. perhaps could engage in some after-school exercise with fellow colleagues to de-stress. but then again, i don't know if i would be too tired to indulge myself in more physical activity after a long day in school. hmm... exercise is supposed to make us feel more refreshed, is it not? and anyway, i guess i have to watch my figure also... :P

desk now looks more "lived-in". brought some personal stuff to decorate my own space. nice! and got nice postcards with beautiful shots and motivational quotes to spur myself on when things seem to be pulling me down.

2005, here i come.

by the way, beloved, if you are reading this, do not doubt that i love you. very much.

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has it really been more than a week since i came back? doesn't feel as though these few days have been productive...

i don't believe i possess the skills and knowledge to perform in my job. feel very inadequate and useless.

and it certainly doesn't help that i am feeling depressed.

sigh.

**tell me
have you ever loved and lost somebody
wished there was a chance to say, "i'm sorry"
can't you see
that's the way i feel
about you and me
baby
have you ever felt your heart was breaking
looking down the road you should be taking
i should know
coz i loved and lost
the day i let you go**

i refuse to let go.

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